BLAST Pro Series: Global Final – a preview but it’s a poem

There’s never been a CS:GO event preview in verse before. This should make clear why that is the case.

Curtain-raiser, excitement, time the new season
An event called 2020 (for whatever reason)
Featuring the top three plus a bunch of riff-raff,
Two teams with their stand-ins, the four stooges and NAF.

Double elim format: there’s a lower bracket
Meaning if you lose, you shouldn’t just say “fuck it”:
Six hundred thousand reasons to keep fighting
Even if you fall the first time of asking.

Astralis and EG: used to be quite fun
Back when stan’s motley crew sometimes even won
If tarik can’t change his bottom-fragging ways
They will fall victim to 300IQ plays?

G2 and FURIA: we’ve seen this one before
NiKo’s boys have racked up a map edge of plus four
Across three fun series – now’s time to make it six
As Brazil’s finests deal with roster gymnastics.

It seems ZywOo plus four equals a huge match win
The math seems right to us, and since JUGi’s the stand-in
For Complexity here, it seems their only hope
Is a heavenly DDoS called on by the Pope.

FalleN makes his return: exciting times as we
Watch with bated breath his debut versus Na’Vi
Just imagine: sick frags, drawing s1mple’s ire?
Oh, that would be quite the baptism of fire.

Astralis, of course, the best of the whole lot
Their rivals tried and failed to take over their spot
Kept missing their chance as they came at the king:
gla1ve’s men might just sweep this entire damn thing.