Astralis players imagined as James Bond villains

In many ways, playing Counter-Strike for a living is much like being a star of those classic spy novels. You go from exotic locale to exotic locale with a license to kill, leaving (virtual) corpses plus ever-increasing piles of money and fame behind. For many in the CS:GO scene, the supreme Danes are essentially the supervillains who always have a dastardly plan in motion, ready to take over the world – and perhaps they already have. So which of the myriad antagonists in the James Bond franchise fit these guys the best? We’ve examined this pressing question in detail…

Device – Francisco Scaramanga (The Man with the Golden Gun)

Admittedly, his preferred weapon of choice may be green, but it might as well be golden because of both the stellar accomplishments he’s managed with it and the sheer excellence of his ability. Whatever the case may be, his guns are definitely worth their weight in gold, and the fact that this particular villain is also referred to as “Pistols” also feels quite appropriate.

Gla1ve – Alec Trevelyan (GoldenEye)

He may not have destroyed London’s economy, but he pretty much nuked the opposition at the finals of the FACEIT major, especially on Overpass.

Xyp9x – Dr. Julius No (Dr. No)

Every time you think you’ve won that round thanks to your man advantage post-plant, he shows up. And, yeah, no. Just no. Dr. No. Terrorists win. Every single time. The Clutch King strikes again.

Dupreeh – Jaws (The Spy Who Loved Me, Moonraker)

Surely, the entry fragger basically represents the henchman, sent in first to do the dirty work? Well, Jaws is perhaps the most iconic of henchmen in the series behind Oddjob, he takes the cake because of his seemingly indestructible nature.

Magisk – Le Chiffre (Casino Royale)

If we accept the premise that these particular Bond villains managed to carry out their plans, this one makes a lot of sense. With Magisk’s career seemingly in tatters after getting kicked from North, joining a down-on-their-luck Astralis scrambling to replace Kjaerbye is basically as much of a gambit as the idea of winning a high-stakes poker tournament (or if you’re old-school and read the books, baccarat table) to refinance your clients.

+1: zonic – Ernst Stavro Blofeld

This one goes without saying, doesn’t it?